I have been thinking about this for a while now and a big part of me wanted to share, I have been thinking of ways to try and approach this topic an how I could get my view across, as this isn’t my story but it touches me a lot…
There were two main areas I wanted to really focus on so a title for this blog was hard to think of so I am going to dedicate it to a Mum I know because basically this is her story and I cant help but feel I need to highlight it as I know this is a situation that a lot of mums / parents would also face daily… So here it goes…
My eldest Son started Prep this year; it was an exciting and nerve racking time for the both of us… As a parent we only want the best for our kids and we want to know that there in a safe and happy place and that we can trust the people we choose to take care of them. So if this trust is broken we really start to question why right??? And like any parent we will fight for answers!!! Well this has happened to a Mum I know, she’s not only left hurt and frustrated she has been let down by the people she trusted in caring for her child… It has been a battle for far to long now….
I met a Mum, I am going to call her “Lola” and she is one of those Mums I strive to be like… Strong, Honest, Loving and Beautiful from the inside out… Fucking amazing lady…
Our sons go to the same school together. We would see each other around the school but we really got to know each other through Brazilian Jujitsu where all our kids went two days per week… We have since then become close friends….
I got to know her story………..
Lola was told she would never be able to have children, but this beautiful soul was given not one miracle but two miracles…. Someone was looking down on this woman, Someone new this woman deserved to be given the world… and she was given the world… Two beautiful boys and let me tell you these two are such dudes.
Over time as I got to know Lola we started spending a little more time together and our boys have become really good friends.
Lola was having a bit of a hard time, yet every time you would see her she always had a great big smile on her face and was interested in you and always asked how you were… She was one of those women who would do anything for you and put you first…
Her eldest son was diagnosed with ASD mid way through the year; she was also having issues within the school in regards to bullying. Now if you knew Lolas son you would just fall in love with him. He has a severe speech problem and a learning disability, but this doesn’t stop this kid from being the awesome boy that he is and wow can he give the best cuddles…. He couldn’t really understand what was really going on and he was more concerned of getting someone else into trouble than to speak up and tell his mum or a teacher.
Lola could tell something was not right and her son on several occasions would come home covered in bumps and grazes and as any parent would do you start asking questions and looking for answers…
This she done…. and she came to find out that her son was being bullied. This can break any parents heart…
Lola enrolled her son into Brazilian Jujitsu as after some research she new this would be beneficial for her son..
Now this is where I have two points id like to point out, so I am going to break this up and speak of each one and then explain why I wanted to speak about these two particular topics…
Bullying and Brazilian Ju Jitsu….
Let me start with the Bullying!!
Any form of bullying is unacceptable and should be dealt to as soon as it has been acknowledged or made aware of, especially when we are dealing with little children.. Young kids are so sensitive and every day growing and learning new things, there minds are like sponges and we the parents / adults are there to guide them and let them know the difference between wrong and right. Kids have know idea unless they are taught or shown…..
If my child was being a bully or being bullied I would like to be told and even confronted so I can deal with the problem. I would also like to feel confident that if it were happening on school grounds the problem would be addressed with immediately and dealt with in a professional manner…
This was not the case in Lola’s experience, when she had worked out what was going on she approached her sons teacher and the principal of the school… Only to be kindly told and then pretty much dismissed “It’s not really a big deal and its preppy’s finding their feet”
What a crock of shit right???!!!
Coming from a place where I know first hand what its like to be bullied, which I was through Intermediate and High School, its not very nice and to this day I am still very sensitive to it….
So you could only imagine from a young age how damaging it can be. We hear of it to often, young kids and older being targeted and picked on on a daily basis, we hear to often of kids committing suicide because of bullying.. It’s so so sad and happens far to often… This is where we need to as the parents step up, talk to our children and explain it to them and this can be from any age to… We need to be the roll models and teach them that any form of bullying or trying to hurt someone is unacceptable, In no way should we ever encourage bullying or ignore that it is happening or has happened… Wether being bullied or the bully it’s important that we explain and have this discussion with our kids if the issue comes up…
“Bullies are created, Not Born Bullies”
Now lets talk about Brazilian Ju Jitsu….
I enrolled my son into Brazilian Ju Jitsu when he was 5 years old and also have recently enrolled my 4 (almost 5) year old twins.. I was introduced to the idea from my sister’s husband who to does it himself.
My eldest has been doing it for over a year now and thrives in it; he is on his grey belt.
Lola’s sons joined in the last 6-8 months and I have watched the two of them from day one and seen how much they have grown and taken from this awesome martial art..
Brazilian Ju jitsu is a martial art and is based on the traditional morals of Honour, discipline, respect and loyalty like any martial art..
There is this misconception by few that it is a violent sport but in fact it is the opposite.. I have also heard of people say that it causes aggression in kids, which again is in fact the opposite.
This martial art isn’t about kicking and punching, it’s about learning self-control, perseverance respect and discipline.
Kids learn to develop an inner self-confidence so they don’t feel the need to fight to prove themselves…
The boys trainer is fantastic and explains to them all on a regular basis that it is not to be used to hurt people, but if someone does approach you, pushes you or bullies etc. how to deal with that situation, he explains it in simple terms so that the kids understand.
He shows simple techniques that kids can use for self-defence, for example mount position.. these techniques are used to get someone in a position where they can basically not move or get out of that particular hold..
Kids automatic reactions sometimes are to punch, kick and this can do more damage than good….. But when kids train in Brazilian Ju jitsu they are taught how to control their anger.
Like any martial arts it’s a great sport to enrol your kid/s into because of all I pointed out above.. Its especially good for kids who lack self-confidence or who are shy… It’s a great sport for your kid to learn and I strongly believe it should even be taught in schools…
Now Lola’s son was only doing what he was taught through Brazilian Jujitsu and he started standing up for himself…
The bullying hadn’t stopped so one particular day Lola’s son practiced one of his moves he had learnt at Ju Jitsu “The Mount” he was only protecting himself..
This was then bought to light and when the teachers and principal were informed it was seen as “unacceptable” and not allowed.. Yet the bullying was OK?????
How is it ok???
So when Lola was approached by the principal in regards to her son sitting on a child, she smiled and was proud because she knew that her son was doing what he was taught to do, he dealt with a situation where he felt he was being bullied so she nicely said “Aww that’s mount position a move he learnt at Ju Jitsu, good on him”.. the teachers and principal still continued to say that it was not acceptable and her son should have approached a teacher instead.
They’re aware of Lola’s son’s speech problem and that it is not the best and that he also has trouble with communicating, so this was not an option. This was one of the main reason Lola enrolled her son in Jujitsu. If only the problem was dealt with at the beginning the bullying would have never continued and Lola’s son wouldn’t have felt the need to protect himself in the first place..
This is where I am frustrated..
Bullying, when brought to schools attention was not dealt with, and hidden under the fact that it just preppy’s finding their feet… but when a kid defends himself it is unacceptable?
what the actual fuck??
I am highly disappointed how the school has dealt with this situation.. It gives me little faith knowing my Son is safe as he goes to this school and if He was in a similar situation I would expect the school to deal with it then and there and professionally
I would also like to point out that if my son ever is bullied that I encourage him to defend himself and if he feels he has to, to use his Ju jitsu, this is why I enrolled him.. Also if my son was being a bully he would in no way get of lightly, we would be having a very in depth conversation and he would get a good boot up the butt..
Bullying is such a big problem these days in schools, especially online and in NO way should it ever be ignored or dismissed without looking into the problem and getting parents involved and letting them know its not acceptable..
Parents to need to address these issues at home and speak to their children if they feel their kids are being bullied talk to them, ask them questions or if they have been made aware of there kids bullying others, kick thier little butts until they get that its not acceptable, ask them how they would feel in that situation…..
I can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your kids about bullying……
We would do anything to protect our children and we also want our kids growing up with respect for others and to know what’s right and wrong, we need them to pass it on to their children and so on….
Lola, I want you to know that I think you are an amazing mum and you are doing such a great job at raising your boys.. I am so happy that I met you and we have connected.. You keep being strong and standing up for what you believe in.. I know you would do anything and everything for your boys and this is what makes you such a great mother and person..
Are you dealing with a similar situation?? or have you had to deal with your kids being bullied or bullying??
Id love to here others stories so please comment below or feel free to share with others you know in similar situations..
Lets unite together and help each other…