Growing up I always wanted to be a mum. I always wanted 4 Kids and I always pictured my family and how I would be as a Mother.
I knew that one day I was going to be a Mum. It was my destiny to be a mum and was one of the things I craved to be and thought of often from a young age.
I always knew I would have kids young. I wasn’t one to say I need this, this and this sorted before I have kids. I had no desire to travel, to be married or buy a home before I had kids. Hubby and I were not wealthy or planned on having savings behind us. It just wasn’t who we were.
All I knew was I always wanted to be a Mum and I didn’t need a plan or to be set up to do so.
I always had this idea of what type of mum I would be. I always knew I would be a very chilled out, fun loving mum. I always planned on being the “cool mum” to my kids, the mum who just had her shit together all the time.
I knew being a mum would be hard and challenging. But that didn’t make me want fewer kids or scare me into the roll of becoming a mum. The challenge excited me.
3 kids on and pregnant with number 4 and what I suspected it would be like is not at all what I expected.. On a daily basis I feel like I am failing as a mum and I feel like I just don’t want to MUM anymore.
I am in no way that fun loving chilled out mum I planned on being.
I secretly and selfishly wish from time to time that I had no kids. So “Life” as we call it was easier and I could just do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.
I know that sounds terrible but there are days I just cant do it.. Days I struggle and I wish I could run far far away..
I would join a commune and life would just be all la de da…. (Id actually love to do this with kids and hubby regardless)
I will admit that some of my issues and my stupid needs to always have a perfectly clean house and being 100% organised is a problem and affects my mood.. But I cannot help that I am this weird freak who likes order and things just have to be perfectly placed and done before I can even think of relaxing. I have always been that way and I hate it, but I am relaxing more to and working on it.
While trying to keep on top of the daily housework, I am an entertainer a councillor a doctor and a mind reader. A wife a chef a maid a teacher and lets not forget most importantly, a mum.
I fucking struggle everyday and feel like a failure ALOT.. But then I have days to where I just feel fucking awesome and feel like I have this shit under control.. I am the best Mum ever, I’m happy my kids are happy and so is the Hubby.. Life is sweet..
I am very lucky also to have a very supportive and hands on husband. He is a great dad, he is a great roll model for my boys and I love that we have similar views on what we want for our children as they grow up.
But, Yes there is a BUT..
Husbands don’t have the pressures that we have , yes they have the work pressures and the pressures to be a good dad but I feel that they don’t understand the pressures of us mums.
I have found myself at the end of the day in tears because I feel like I am failing. I have had many days straight where all I feel like I am doing is yelling and throwing things and yelling more. I have had endless nights of no sleep and I found myself non-stop banging the door against the wall screaming things that make no sense. Because I have lost all control of myself and I am not sane anymore.
I have moments where I think “Hey this is a logic thing to do” when really it isn’t and things get out of control. So then the husband thinks I am this insane psycho crazy lady who needs to chill the fuck out.. So he try’s to tell me to calm down and go smoke a joint to which then I can no longer contain the rage and he almost cops a black eye and I am telling him to just fuck off out of my life and never come back..
Eventually I move pass that, calm down and we have really good make up sex, we all love make up sex…
A wise woman “Constance Hall”, whom I had the pleasure of meeting in the weekend.. Who I am secretly in Love with.. She too has 4 kids including twins and I can relate to her on so many levels..
Constance gave me one of those light bulb moments and she was spot on…
Constance mentioned that people always said to her that she’s “A Super Mum” – I get this a lot to…
She mentioned that her husband bill is never called “A Super dad” because men are not expected to be able to do it all. Yet woman are expected to always be able to GO GO GO and DO DO DO and it’s just impossible.
She explained that multi tasking is impossible… Woman are very good at chopping and changing what they do.. One minute we can be on a call, next minute we are sorting out dinner, folding washing then changing a nappy to doing dishes and vacuuming the floor, we don’t stop..
When we are sick we are still going. Husband and kids believe they are slowly dying when their sick but some how we have to keep things a float or we would all die.
But it doesn’t meen that we are doing a good job at everything and that we are “Super Mums”
It is just impossible..
We are not superior and even though we may look relaxed and happy (because we have just downed a bottle of wine) we are most definitely not..
But do you know what.. It is ok not to be ok…
It is ok to have our bad days, its ok to feel like we are failing as mums. Because our failures and weaknesses are not who we are and they doesn’t justify us either.
I am / you are an amazing mum who loves her kids and wants nothing but the best for them..
We all have our off days and tomorrow will most likely be better than today..
Don’t compare yourself to others or fall for the view of society.. Just because one person done this or has this doesn’t make them any better. Do what you want and be the person YOU are.. Don’t let anyone else tell you or make you feel otherwise..
Single mums I really don’t know how you manage and this is just as much your story to. Even though I am not a single mum I feel like it now and then. I can only imagine how hard things can be being a singe mum.
I know a few single mums and I truly think their strong and inspirational woman. Id take my hat of to them any day.
Actually they’re fucking amazing woman..
I love everything about being a mum… The good always outweighs the bad..
I look at my boy’s everyday and there is always a moment that makes me laugh or smile, a moment that makes me proud and just reassures me I am doing a great job at being a mum..
Not long now and the Boys will be Big brothers and I cant wait to watch them grow and take on this new journey we are about to begin…….
“There will be many times you feel like a failure. But in the eyes, mind and heart of your child. You are Super Mum” – Stephanie Precourt